Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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