Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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