I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
