it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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