thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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