ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
