Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
