Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
