the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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