i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
