Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize