Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
