I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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