margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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