garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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