he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
