pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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