my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
