I cockslap morals
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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