Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
