: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize