It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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