quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
