Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
