a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize