after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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