I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this just has baby written all over it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
try to milk me bitch
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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