just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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