Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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