So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
