Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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