Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
