he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The feeling are messing with the penis
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
