I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
