If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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