I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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