I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
