The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
