I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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