I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
