i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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