Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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