i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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