In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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