Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize