She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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