we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We left the knife in your bed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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