I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
