Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
