Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
