Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
