And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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