# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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