When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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