Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
