wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
