She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
