anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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