No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize