Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Drunk is a universal language darling
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
