dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
