He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
