He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
