We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
