I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
