I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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