Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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