remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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