im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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