the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
