hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My balls are so social today.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
