Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
