I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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