make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
