If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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