oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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