Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
