You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
